Doing it Again

Faith Has Made You Whole!

There Is A Balm In Gilead

This a life where we as people get to do things all over again. Unlike animals we are able to mess up, and when God allows us a chance, we can do it again and again. It is only through a heart of true repentance for me when I turn from what is so painful and wrong for me, I am able to pick up where I left off with more experience and know how to do things just a little better than the last time. Most of us take for granted what miracle it is to wake up each day with a mind to want to live right. It is more than a notion when by nature through the fall of man we have hearts that want to do what they want to do and get it how they live. That is our nature until we turn to God. Believe and receive Him, accept what He did on Calvary and ask Him into our hearts so that we may then be changed. We need a new heart and a transformed mind washed by the word of God. Left to ourselves we can behave for awhile, but even our own goodness is as filthy rags in the sight of God…..

I want to be more than just a person who knows how to behave every now and then, I want to be changed from the inside out. I want to be pleasing to the Father….. He has allowed me to do it all over again, and I am grateful….I have on several occasions backslide, relapsed like the prodigal son I walked out of the masters hands and when I couldn’t take the pain of how I was living and all of it’s insane consequences, I ran home only to find Him waiting right there to restore me back to my place in Him. He is, Jesus, My God that is, is a merciful King. I love Him…….I write what I know, what I lived, my experience, my strength, my hope.




Worshipping Through The Pain

I wrote this 6 years ago

Intercession and Power Prayer

In my experience I have learned to worship God through the feelings of pain. My Bishop Anthony Dixon would minister to us to worship God instead of worrying. The bible tells us that God already knows what we have need of before we even ask. God can hear us afar off. Before we even part our lips. I have learned that worrying about something that I am powerless to change does not change anything. It only for me makes the situation worse, because somewhere in there I begin to doubt God and think that I can help him solve my problem. Today I choose to live by the word of God that tells me that all I have to do is seek the kingdom of God and all that I need will be provided for me. I don’t have to whine, cry or have a temper tantrum but only believe…

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When I title this volume walk I mean, as a woman of God i am learning that regardless to the ups and downs of life on life’s terms I must continue to walk forward no matter what. When I tell you that it can be challenging I mean that it can at times be utterly out of control over the top. When, When, when, I say that it is all working together for the good, I had to learn through experience that it is so….It is no longer a cliche’ that I rehearse because it is what I have read in the bible….I don’t always like the process to getting to the other side of understanding however, it is the only way. Yes, we can read books, I’m in college and I am learning  how to perfect my craft and learn new skills in the profession of Human and Social Services. This does not give me the empathy and compassion needed, life and experience gives me that. Just as my experience doesn’t give me the knowledge in how to deal with such issues such as public health and understanding their importance.

Coupled with what life has taught me and what I am learning in school will make me, I believe, the best candidate in my field to activate change. Does that make me better than others in my field, I would say no, It would only make me awesome in how I deal with and relate to people and any given situation….o.k. which brings me to the next thing I want to share concerning this thing I’m  into with these bling shoes with a butterfly on it…. While in my fourth semester in college I was in a class that helped us to focus on some past barriers that may interfere with our present moving forward in completing our education. Also, we worked on things such as first year experience where we talked about being the first in our family to attend college and how that relates to us finishing as well. Talking about whether we have outside support and how we could develop a support system/group in our school I came up with the group Butterfly Within. I was so excited that many women were happy to let me know that would love one, however, I think that based off of some of our past dealings with other women it keeps us from wanting to be in a support group with other women.

Walking is something I know too well….


random thoughts, learning how to put thoughts together and write effectively and properly.

Rejected To Greatness

   Rejected To Greatness


        God can do anything but fail. If things are not going the way that you thought, well it is not supposed to. Many times things will not go the way we want them to go. We have these preconceived notions, thoughts, and visions of God doing things like this or that. Then when they don’t turn out the way that we envisioned we become angry. Who are we angry with? We are only angry at ourselves. You are not angry at those around you. Well I have a confession to make. I messed up in a whole lot of ways, repented, then thought just because I did, that things would work in my favor. But didn’t it… It did work out in my favor just not the way I told God to do it…. realize I said told, suggested that God move on my behalf, after making a mess of everything, then want Him to move when, how, and as I say. Right now, with your self-righteous self you just said, “Oh no, I could never be mad at God….” or “I have never demanded, prayed hoping things would go EXACTLY as I see fit”…. You are lying and the truth isn’t in you. You may not have said these things in those exact words, but you have thought them. But I believe we all question God and His ability to move on our behalf. The word is plain and without a watered down solution. I was angry at God for not allowing my children to come home I was angry at God because my parents were not like others I was angry at God because they left me, hurt me, beat me, hated me, molested me. Lord why didn’t you help, where were you? Well he was right there all along.

               In my anger, resentment, and plain ole’ bitterness I began to slowly turn my back on the only God who could truly help me. The bible tells me that I am more than an overcomer, I’m a conqueror, and that I can do all things through Christ, but I felt like a failure. I felt like I had failed in life concerning my children, my family, and especially my church I felt like I could do nothing right and t…hat all around me was doing well. Something has to be wrong with me. Everyone can make it but not me. Those were all lies from the pit of hell to keep me feeling unworthy. It takes time. People speak as though it is not that serious, or just pray it will pass and it will. But in the in between after going in but right before coming out of my situation I was in the middle. I didn’t know what to do, or did but was in a place of discouragement…… So I listened to Bishop Anthony D. Dixon who told me to believe, act like it is already done, praise through the process. So I got excited and though it hurt I still smiled and claimed that I was on top of the world. Was I lying, no but I was speaking those things that be not as though they already were…. I spoke to my existence, my feelings, my emotion, and my life. Marie Rucker once told me that I needed to master my emotion, because I was all over the place taking everything personal. Feeling and letting my feelings take over my mind. Such torment people of God… To be continued Part three on the way Praise in the process; God is working things together for your good

                God is good…. We say it like it is just another cliché’. You hear it everywhere you go, “God is good, all the time and all the time God is good.” He is that and more, but for a long time I said these things feeling nothing. I guess you can say I was faking it till i made it, which was the suggestion of most I shared my real feelings with. I was upset that things just didn’t go as planned. I’m not just talking about the here and now but also as a child. Why did daddy leave, did mommy kick him out? Do he love me, does she just want me to suffer. These are the questions I had without proper information and being left with not knowing the truth led me to believe a lie. The lie of satan that made me believe that it was my entire fault that they were apart. I believed that lie for years and held a gigantic resentment for them both, and I hated myself thinking that it was my entire fault. Only to grow up and learn something’s in this process of mines that they could only do what they could do with the misinformation they had. After all they grew up with their problems, and experienced their own hurt and pain so they could only give what they had received.

            Hurting people hurt people. Because they had experienced heartache and abuse in their own lives it made them be that way to me. I can’t speak for my siblings only for my thoughts and feelings.  God was the only one that through prayer and experience could help me understand this, and until then I was in a lot of pain. I felt like my dad didn’t love me or wanted me, I still feel that way sometimes now. Having all these thoughts, daily I have to turn to my heavenly father and allow him to show me with  the love that I have never really experienced. This lack of love coming up as a child, not to even mention what happened with boyfriends, girlfriends, peers and church folk, I am still in the process of finding out what it really is. I can only get that from the author and finisher of life itself. The God, who is love, will help me as I allow him to show me, and fill me with this unconditional love. I am excited because this lack of love leaves you feeling empty, alone, and afraid. How do you begin to let a God you can’t see love you? How do you begin to allow a God to talk to you, and you listen when all you’ve ever wanted to do was close your ears and your eyes and wish that it would all go away.

            Well for one you just make a decision, everyday won’t be perfect, but you step out of the boat on faith and keep your eyes on him. It will hurt, be uncomfortable and lonely. After all, this is something that you have never done before. Don’t let people fool you. It will be challenging, but you can do all things through Christ which strengthened you…..

             A lot of the things that I did, one would think I have an excuse to be angry, resentful, and bitter. If they would have only loved me so I could “feel” it, If only he would’ve loved me like in the movies, Why did she act like she was my friend and then stab me in the back, Where was God in the midst of it all. Whether being raped by your father, uncle, boyfriend or husband you did not deserve to be done in such a manner. I don’t care if you never finished high school, never received your G.E.D. or was talked about by the “popular kids”, God was there all along and seeing what you were going through. Again I ask the question why me? I learned in my life “why not me?” Gods’ word tells me that in this world there indeed will be trouble. We were giving a manual to follow to help us in learning how to cope with such times in our lives. But what about if you were not, and most of us, if not all have not received this because a lot of us were not raised in churches, nobody in our families were saved, or in my case on my mother’s side we have a lot of sanctified women and men of God. As you know we just couldn’t hear, until God came and opened our ears and loosened our stiff necks. God says, “This is not for you, I chose you before the foundation of the world to experience “this” kind of pain whatever your pain is because number one I know what is in you, I know what you can handle and I know that when I am through with you, you shall come forth as pure Gold…… I will be able to use you for myglory and not your own. Once I allow you to be broken, then and only then can I build you back up with my might hands so no one can take the credit and through you MY PEOPLE can be made whole.” God is mighty, Powerful, holy. And he is raising up a might, powerful and holy people to go through the storm, overcome, then strengthen, encourage and walk with each other, until we all come into the fullness of Christ.

Intercession/ Not just about you!

In prayer God is calling us to a place of intercession. That is not just about us. I challenge you to began to intercede for those in africa, europe, in your city, town, and house. You may already be doing these things, I would encourage you to go higher. Pray and begin to spend time in intercession for your enemies. Not just a small Lord I forgive them help them, but a laying on the floor covering them also in fervant prayer. We are more selfish in prayer that we think. Start today, God I pray that you would take us to another level or intercession, another level of prayer, another level or worship in our secret time with you. Forgive us where we are being selfish and self-centered. Cover our hearts with love, help us to pray with love and compassion for all. For it is your will concerning us. Breakthrough in our lives Lord, help us pray till something breaks, open the flood gates of heaven. No more praying for things and about foolish stuff, But Lord we need more of you, more of your glory. More of God.. In Jesus name amen.

What a mighty God we serve

My question to you is who do you serve, What are you serving for? Is your worship for real? I want you to inneract with this blog and tell me why you do what you do?

I serve the Lord number one because when I was yet in my sins Jesus came and died for me. He delivered me and set me absolutely free. As time progressed and in my fellowship and worship I grew to love God for who He is in my life.

You know all of us did not start out loving God! We didnt know how to love God or anybody else. It is only in reading of his word, spending time with him and experiencing God that we grew to love and know him for ourselves more intimately. So again, why do you do what you do for God, Testify to the goodness of Jesus.

God ” The Keeper”

I want to thank Jesus for being who He is. God!!  I know him today to be a keeper. I knew before, but God has a way of showing things that you have never seen in him before. For three hours our porch was on fire and nothing not the smoke or the fire entered into the house.  The kitchen is right by the back porch and there is not even smoke on the walls. Glory to God.  Only God is able to keep you and me like that. When we walked out of the house that is when the smoke began to fill the house and glass began to break. Think about that, the very small back porch was on fire for three hours. I was on the couch sleep and smelled nothing. I woke up about 12:15 and went up to my bed room and went back to sleep, never smelled smoke or seen fire. I woke up at 2:45 to the smell of faint smoke but did’nt think nothing of it. I went into the hallway and seen nothing so I layed back down.

Then I heard my sister wake up and go down the stairs, she came back up and said we have a fire we got up and went outside. The fire just stayed contained to the back porch. She immediately called 911 and about 15 minutes later fire trucks and E.M.S. was there. They put it out found out what it was and fanned out the house. Another family member had taken the ashes that was inside of the grill, “ashes” I seen them for my self. she placed it in a box and put on the back porch. They left at about 4 to go take my grandfather some dinner at the nursing home and then to take my mother and sister home.  I watched a movie, took a small nap and never smelled anything.. My sister came in went into the very kitchen to and smelled nothing. God is good and I know him today more than ever to be a keeper, and protector.  Our God is an awesome God.

The blood and it’s application is so very important. You need the blood of Jesus to wash and cleanse you but also to protect you from all hurt harm and danger. God is a shield for me my glory the lifter up of my head. Thank you for reading my story…You are blessed.