Single Mothers Unite

Raising a 13 year old daughter is sho nuff exciting, fearful, and unusual. They are growing in a perverse world filled with hate, crime, and lust. It is scary sometimes to have to talk about, but it is important that we in this day in time to speak with our daughters about sex, homosexuality/lesbianism, and how to build a character in a nation that is shoveling hip hop, drugs, and abuse down the very necks of or children.

Parents look into your childrens notebooks, their phones, and tablets. Search their draws and look for things and signs of worldly things that can lead them astray. Having to keep it real and honest with our families is vitally important. I remember my mom talking to us her three daughters, but she didn’t quite know how to share what it is really like out in the streets. We were not raised in the church like that though we attended and I knew that we came from a background of Pentecostal background.

My mom in her backslidden state at the time was a hard mom and a mother who believed in spare the rod you spoil the child. However, when not mixed with proper communication and love will at times cause the youth to go to the streets, the very place that we try so desperately to protect them from.

We try with all of our mights to keep them from having to experience what we did in our rebellion, it won’t always work. Our jobs as parents I believe is to give them love, understanding, and an open forum to be able to share and discuss how they feel. We have to arm them with proper information to help them. They will depart, why because they have to learn and grow as we did. Put it in them….

I didn’t listen to my mom and had to endure lots of hardship. Now I can look back and hear all of her words of rebuke,  warning, and caution. I believe that because of our nature to sin and rebellion we hear but we don’t hear, cause I understand that as children we had to go through and experience our own level of pain to grow.

So parents of youth today, look, pay attention, search, share, speak with, pray for your and those around you. Especially, for the parents that they would grow and mature and heal what would keep them from being the parents to the gifts that God has given us. Our Children.

woman wearing white sleeveless lace shirt

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When Face With Fear/Anxiety

I grew up with and in fear. Why do I say that? Because of my parents? No, because I was born in sin and shaped in iniquity. Due to what happened in the garden with Adam and Eve what came upon the human race was a evil and sin nature that made it so we all when born come into the world lost and separated from God. Without Hope! Now before the foundation of the world God had already predestined that those who call on the name of the Lord would be conformed to the likeness and image of his son Jesus the Christ. Before any of us became “Christians” however, we lived in a place of fear, anxiety, and rebellion against God. None can come to the Christ unless God draws.

I remember always being scared, this is my story, some may have always been angry, lustful, resentful, and the like….but from a child I can remember always being afraid and rebellious to all authority. Mostly because I was filled with rejection and isolation. When I was a little girl I always seen and heard things no others could and it paralyzed me with fear. Dreams tormented me, family rejected me, peers bullied me and I was a little girl filled with no direction, no life and no hope.

God from the beginning as I see now was always there and protecting the lost little girl and was in the process of drawing me to himself. My grandmother and aunts were saved and praying over me. See I do come from a lineage of sanctified women on my mothers side and so the enemy from the beginning was trying to keep me from knowing who I am in the Kingdom of God. Well it didn’t work because here I am today loving and growing in God. When fear and anxiety tries to over come my heart I am able to know the truth about who God is and who I am in him.

But this took time after a life of destruction and pain, after messing up so many times and falling short of the glory of God. I am so glad that God saw fit to rescue me from the pits of hell and a life of hopelessness and fear. Anxiety comes from worry and thinking to much about things that are our of our control. It grips the heart and may even make appear that one is having a heart attack. Fear comes with the unknown, not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing where we are going, and what might happen.

God tells us in the word that He has not giving us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind, and that perfect love casteth out fear. When we get to Jesus and begin to believe that we are not a lone and that He has all power and authority over every living thing, over every situation and even over the powers and principalities of this world, fear has to go. When we being to understand the length, the width, height, and depth of the Love of God then we know that God is over us to protect, provide, and walk with us through all we encounter. He promised to never leave nor forsake us.

Those who are not connected to God through the blood of Christ is in a place of separation from God and live in a place of fear, anger and resentment with no solution. The solution to any uncomfortable emotion we will every have is the Power that is in the of Jesus. Reading the word is essential to the solution, being filled the the gift of the holy ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues and prayer has been key to my freedom.  believe it is for all who call upon the name of the Lord. Strong holds have to break, yokes have to be destroyed when we call on the name of the Lord.

Why are we such in a place as Christians where we are not holding on fast to sound Doctrine. Where the church is filled with depression, bipolar, and schizophrenic people of God. These are evil spirits that come to lay beside our ear and fill us with all the should’ve, would’ve, and could’ve’s of life. Now mind you I believe that there are a lot of people who do suffer from these things because of trauma from past and present situation, and chemical imbalances in the brain. Mine was due to trauma as well as drugs alcohol.

Again, only the power of God is able to ease the mind, heal the broken heart and bind the wounds of those who suffer from such strong holds. Mental health is real in and outside the body of Christ and we today who know and have experienced, or experiencing such things are in a better position of understanding and have a mandate to help those who don’t understand. I have to come back and continue on this subject that is just to much to put in one article. So on that note…….

 

To Be Continued….

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When Life Says No

There will be times when we see things not going the way we thought. This can be frustrating and at times over whelming. For me I always want things to go the way I see them in my head. However, this is unrealistic. Though they sound good when we talk about them, and look good when we see others doing them, and get this one; doing the dog on thang only for it to blow up in ya face, it is a question as to if this is what is best for you.

Eveything we want is not for us. Did God say it? Is it a part of our journey and purpose? When I look at these questions for myself, I have to pray and ask God so that I might get the honest answers. I, in and of myself don’t necessarily know what they are but I know that he (God) does. For he has created me for his good pleasure and purpose. Yes, God knows the desires of my heart. Do they line up with his desires for me? Right now I can say though I have a little bit of a good answer as to what I am called to do, I still need his direction and illumination to walk it out.

Life has a way of allowing us to know what is and what is not for us. I keep trying and I keep pushing and I continue to walk doing what I feel God is saying to me. A lot of times I mess up, make mistakes, and give push backs on what I am doing and believe that I am suppose to be doing at any time. In these times I consult with God not always perfectly, but I am aware that I can do nothing without him. Starting over, failing, doing it again, then messing up, trying and trying and trying. This process is so aaaaGGGGHJJJHHH!!!!

But no matter what I can never give up! Giving up for me is destructive and plain ole’ insanity, and it tends to lead me  to a place o dispair and depression. I hate being depressed and so I have to continue to rise from out of the ashes and seek a place of peace and rest in God who is the author and finisher of my faith. Life will say no, even when God says yes, but wait a minute because I am developing your character and your attitude. Just not right now.

God will provide, He will make a way, He will lead, guide, and direct our steps…

orange flower with butterfly

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Doing it Again

Faith Has Made You Whole!

There Is A Balm In Gilead

This a life where we as people get to do things all over again. Unlike animals we are able to mess up, and when God allows us a chance, we can do it again and again. It is only through a heart of true repentance for me when I turn from what is so painful and wrong for me, I am able to pick up where I left off with more experience and know how to do things just a little better than the last time. Most of us take for granted what miracle it is to wake up each day with a mind to want to live right. It is more than a notion when by nature through the fall of man we have hearts that want to do what they want to do and get it how they live. That is our nature until we turn to God. Believe and receive Him, accept what He did on Calvary and ask Him into our hearts so that we may then be changed. We need a new heart and a transformed mind washed by the word of God. Left to ourselves we can behave for awhile, but even our own goodness is as filthy rags in the sight of God…..

I want to be more than just a person who knows how to behave every now and then, I want to be changed from the inside out. I want to be pleasing to the Father….. He has allowed me to do it all over again, and I am grateful….I have on several occasions backslide, relapsed like the prodigal son I walked out of the masters hands and when I couldn’t take the pain of how I was living and all of it’s insane consequences, I ran home only to find Him waiting right there to restore me back to my place in Him. He is, Jesus, My God that is, is a merciful King. I love Him…….I write what I know, what I lived, my experience, my strength, my hope.

 

TheEncourager

Worshipping Through The Pain

I wrote this 6 years ago

Intercession and Power Prayer

In my experience I have learned to worship God through the feelings of pain. My Bishop Anthony Dixon would minister to us to worship God instead of worrying. The bible tells us that God already knows what we have need of before we even ask. God can hear us afar off. Before we even part our lips. I have learned that worrying about something that I am powerless to change does not change anything. It only for me makes the situation worse, because somewhere in there I begin to doubt God and think that I can help him solve my problem. Today I choose to live by the word of God that tells me that all I have to do is seek the kingdom of God and all that I need will be provided for me. I don’t have to whine, cry or have a temper tantrum but only believe…

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Walk

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When I title this volume walk I mean, as a woman of God i am learning that regardless to the ups and downs of life on life’s terms I must continue to walk forward no matter what. When I tell you that it can be challenging I mean that it can at times be utterly out of control over the top. When, When, when, I say that it is all working together for the good, I had to learn through experience that it is so….It is no longer a cliche’ that I rehearse because it is what I have read in the bible….I don’t always like the process to getting to the other side of understanding however, it is the only way. Yes, we can read books, I’m in college and I am learning  how to perfect my craft and learn new skills in the profession of Human and Social Services. This does not give me the empathy and compassion needed, life and experience gives me that. Just as my experience doesn’t give me the knowledge in how to deal with such issues such as public health and understanding their importance.

Coupled with what life has taught me and what I am learning in school will make me, I believe, the best candidate in my field to activate change. Does that make me better than others in my field, I would say no, It would only make me awesome in how I deal with and relate to people and any given situation….o.k. which brings me to the next thing I want to share concerning this thing I’m  into with these bling shoes with a butterfly on it…. While in my fourth semester in college I was in a class that helped us to focus on some past barriers that may interfere with our present moving forward in completing our education. Also, we worked on things such as first year experience where we talked about being the first in our family to attend college and how that relates to us finishing as well. Talking about whether we have outside support and how we could develop a support system/group in our school I came up with the group Butterfly Within. I was so excited that many women were happy to let me know that would love one, however, I think that based off of some of our past dealings with other women it keeps us from wanting to be in a support group with other women.

Walking is something I know too well….

 

random thoughts, learning how to put thoughts together and write effectively and properly.

Rejected To Greatness

   Rejected To Greatness

 

        God can do anything but fail. If things are not going the way that you thought, well it is not supposed to. Many times things will not go the way we want them to go. We have these preconceived notions, thoughts, and visions of God doing things like this or that. Then when they don’t turn out the way that we envisioned we become angry. Who are we angry with? We are only angry at ourselves. You are not angry at those around you. Well I have a confession to make. I messed up in a whole lot of ways, repented, then thought just because I did, that things would work in my favor. But didn’t it… It did work out in my favor just not the way I told God to do it…. realize I said told, suggested that God move on my behalf, after making a mess of everything, then want Him to move when, how, and as I say. Right now, with your self-righteous self you just said, “Oh no, I could never be mad at God….” or “I have never demanded, prayed hoping things would go EXACTLY as I see fit”…. You are lying and the truth isn’t in you. You may not have said these things in those exact words, but you have thought them. But I believe we all question God and His ability to move on our behalf. The word is plain and without a watered down solution. I was angry at God for not allowing my children to come home I was angry at God because my parents were not like others I was angry at God because they left me, hurt me, beat me, hated me, molested me. Lord why didn’t you help, where were you? Well he was right there all along.

               In my anger, resentment, and plain ole’ bitterness I began to slowly turn my back on the only God who could truly help me. The bible tells me that I am more than an overcomer, I’m a conqueror, and that I can do all things through Christ, but I felt like a failure. I felt like I had failed in life concerning my children, my family, and especially my church I felt like I could do nothing right and t…hat all around me was doing well. Something has to be wrong with me. Everyone can make it but not me. Those were all lies from the pit of hell to keep me feeling unworthy. It takes time. People speak as though it is not that serious, or just pray it will pass and it will. But in the in between after going in but right before coming out of my situation I was in the middle. I didn’t know what to do, or did but was in a place of discouragement…… So I listened to Bishop Anthony D. Dixon who told me to believe, act like it is already done, praise through the process. So I got excited and though it hurt I still smiled and claimed that I was on top of the world. Was I lying, no but I was speaking those things that be not as though they already were…. I spoke to my existence, my feelings, my emotion, and my life. Marie Rucker once told me that I needed to master my emotion, because I was all over the place taking everything personal. Feeling and letting my feelings take over my mind. Such torment people of God… To be continued Part three on the way Praise in the process; God is working things together for your good

                God is good…. We say it like it is just another cliché’. You hear it everywhere you go, “God is good, all the time and all the time God is good.” He is that and more, but for a long time I said these things feeling nothing. I guess you can say I was faking it till i made it, which was the suggestion of most I shared my real feelings with. I was upset that things just didn’t go as planned. I’m not just talking about the here and now but also as a child. Why did daddy leave, did mommy kick him out? Do he love me, does she just want me to suffer. These are the questions I had without proper information and being left with not knowing the truth led me to believe a lie. The lie of satan that made me believe that it was my entire fault that they were apart. I believed that lie for years and held a gigantic resentment for them both, and I hated myself thinking that it was my entire fault. Only to grow up and learn something’s in this process of mines that they could only do what they could do with the misinformation they had. After all they grew up with their problems, and experienced their own hurt and pain so they could only give what they had received.

            Hurting people hurt people. Because they had experienced heartache and abuse in their own lives it made them be that way to me. I can’t speak for my siblings only for my thoughts and feelings.  God was the only one that through prayer and experience could help me understand this, and until then I was in a lot of pain. I felt like my dad didn’t love me or wanted me, I still feel that way sometimes now. Having all these thoughts, daily I have to turn to my heavenly father and allow him to show me with  the love that I have never really experienced. This lack of love coming up as a child, not to even mention what happened with boyfriends, girlfriends, peers and church folk, I am still in the process of finding out what it really is. I can only get that from the author and finisher of life itself. The God, who is love, will help me as I allow him to show me, and fill me with this unconditional love. I am excited because this lack of love leaves you feeling empty, alone, and afraid. How do you begin to let a God you can’t see love you? How do you begin to allow a God to talk to you, and you listen when all you’ve ever wanted to do was close your ears and your eyes and wish that it would all go away.

            Well for one you just make a decision, everyday won’t be perfect, but you step out of the boat on faith and keep your eyes on him. It will hurt, be uncomfortable and lonely. After all, this is something that you have never done before. Don’t let people fool you. It will be challenging, but you can do all things through Christ which strengthened you…..

             A lot of the things that I did, one would think I have an excuse to be angry, resentful, and bitter. If they would have only loved me so I could “feel” it, If only he would’ve loved me like in the movies, Why did she act like she was my friend and then stab me in the back, Where was God in the midst of it all. Whether being raped by your father, uncle, boyfriend or husband you did not deserve to be done in such a manner. I don’t care if you never finished high school, never received your G.E.D. or was talked about by the “popular kids”, God was there all along and seeing what you were going through. Again I ask the question why me? I learned in my life “why not me?” Gods’ word tells me that in this world there indeed will be trouble. We were giving a manual to follow to help us in learning how to cope with such times in our lives. But what about if you were not, and most of us, if not all have not received this because a lot of us were not raised in churches, nobody in our families were saved, or in my case on my mother’s side we have a lot of sanctified women and men of God. As you know we just couldn’t hear, until God came and opened our ears and loosened our stiff necks. God says, “This is not for you, I chose you before the foundation of the world to experience “this” kind of pain whatever your pain is because number one I know what is in you, I know what you can handle and I know that when I am through with you, you shall come forth as pure Gold…… I will be able to use you for myglory and not your own. Once I allow you to be broken, then and only then can I build you back up with my might hands so no one can take the credit and through you MY PEOPLE can be made whole.” God is mighty, Powerful, holy. And he is raising up a might, powerful and holy people to go through the storm, overcome, then strengthen, encourage and walk with each other, until we all come into the fullness of Christ.